In elementary school, we would give candy valentines to everyone for Valentine’s Day. The night before, I remember an assembly line of me, my mom, and my sister, packing treats and toys into pretty bags with name personalization.
I loved walking around the classroom, not because I got to give other people candy, but — selfishly — because I could see my own bag filling up slowly.
Now that we’re in high school, everyone is still waiting for their bag to be filled. It might not be with candy, but offerings to catch a movie or get lunch together or even just a ‘hi’ in the hallway. But in waiting for our bag to be filled, we’ve forgotten to fill up other people’s bags — so now no one gets candy.
Instead of expecting everyone to know what we want without asking, we should share first.
Without that tiny bit of courage, it’s almost impossible to maintain any long-distance relationship with friends and family. Any adult can tell you how important it is to sustain connections. It’s essential for jobs and different opportunities, but more importantly, it’s essential for keeping friendships alive.
I’ve been lucky enough to have the chance to go a lot of places and meet a lot of people.
I knew that reaching out first is important in theory, but I didn’t always practice it. There’s always the initial excitement for the first week after the event that brought us together, where we talked every single day to reminisce about our time together, and slowly it tapers off until one day I check my phone to find out I haven’t spoken to them since I wished them a happy birthday six months ago. Now, it feels too late to reach out, so I wait for them to text first. I was waiting for the candy, and I would feel frustrated that I wasn’t getting it.
I told a friend who lives in a different state recently that I was nervous to reach out first because I didn’t want to bother them if they were busy. Surprisingly, they said they had felt the same, which meant that we had gone a very long time without talking at all because of a misunderstanding. We wouldn’t have even had this conversation in the first place if I hadn’t texted first.
The worst thing I can imagine is falling out of touch with a person I care about because I let imaginary, irrational fears stop me from reaching out.
After all, every time someone reaches out to me first, it makes me feel really happy. Other people want to know someone is thinking of them, too. We can’t just receive messages and not give them as well.
Get over the awkwardness of “What if it’s been too long?” or “What if they don’t remember who I am?” It is never too late to reach out to someone. Now that I’m a senior, I’m more aware now than I have ever been of the people I want to keep in touch with after we graduate. Most of them will be hundreds or even thousands of miles away. Without the skill to stay connected, I’ll lose them.
Reach out and drop candy into other bags first, because you never know if someone else has been waiting for that sweetness on the other end.
