Q: Dear A&A, I’m a junior and feeling quite overwhelmed with the amount of activities I’ve committed to, plus choosing the right ones in trying to “look good” for college. How do I deal with the stress of making big decisions about my future when I feel so young and unready?
*yellowtugboat
Dear yellowtugboat,
Dealing with stress looks different for everyone! We are no experts, but Aïssata tries to balance activities by keeping a strict schedule like if she has two clubs on the same day, she’ll alternate weeks or spend half the time at one place and the remaining time in the other. Anjali breaks down big goals into smaller steps and has a ‘No-Work-Day,’ where she minimizes the amount of engagements and work that she has, so she has that day to completely de-stress, hang out with friends, or do other leisure activities.
One thing you shouldn’t do is overwhelm yourself with activities, because you won’t be able to give as much effort as you should; it’s important that you DO things within your extracurriculars, not just be a part of them. Make sure to pick activities that you care about and are relevant to your desired major to prioritize, especially those you lead, while also keeping in mind that application readers notice if there’s a surge of new activities in the last two years and are more impressed by long term growing positions held in clubs. It’s okay to be young and feel unready. Everybody else that is applying to colleges are also young and most feel just as unready as you do.
One thing Anjali would suggest is to reach out to your counselor and think about cutting back on certain activities if you feel that the stress is becoming unmanageable. You can’t do everything. There is a bargain with time and energy; be sure to prioritize yourself at every moment. This is a great time to reach out to your friends, family, counselor, and favorite teachers for support and community. There is a lot of stress within junior year and the beginning of senior year, so it is important that you reach out to your support system.
Remember that there is no magical switch that will flip and make you feel ready. you have to trust in your hard work and let things play out as they will! Everything will be fine as long as you are diligent. The truth of the matter is that we attend a school that puts us yards in front of the starting line. You are ready. Congrats on all you’ve accomplished so far, and good luck with what’s to come!
With Love, A&A
Q: Is it okay that I still sometimes get cavities as a senior?
*Gumball
Dear Gumball,
Yes, We think you’re alright. Dental health isn’t really that important (this is a joke, please take care of your teeth and gums). If all your teeth fell out we’d still love you! To be completely honest, if your breath is okay, nobody will know.
With Love, A&A
Q: For about two years now, my older sister has been removing me from her life. We used to call each other all the time, but now she doesn’t ever answer. I think she is struggling with her mental health, but I miss her and want to help her in any way I can. How can I best express to my older sister that I’m sad we don’t talk as much anymore without making her feel like it’s her fault
*Mockingjay
Dear Mockingjay
We think being direct is the best way to handle this. However, before being direct, you might want to take steps to make it clear that you’re interested in spending time with her and getting closer. Ask her if she wants to do something you both enjoy.
It’s not exactly the same, but Aïssata’s sister is seven years old, and they live in two different houses but like to do things to spend time together. You can start off with low-commitment activities with one another, like texting or sending tik toks you’d think she’d enjoy. Think about your sister’s love language and cater to that! Check-ins are a good way to make it clear that you care about her, even if they’re a simple call or text.
After making it clear that you’re interested in rebuilding your relationship with one another, you should explicitly be clear about wanting to spend time and getting closer——while emphasizing that 1) there is no judgment, 2) it’s not her fault, and 3) that you want to help. You could tell her what you told us, verbatim, “I’m sad we don’t talk as much anymore, I recognize it’s not your fault, but I want to work on it together.” It’s likely she’ll agree, and if you guys are close, she’ll probably open up to you about whatever she’s going through—nine times out of ten, people struggling with their mental health distance themselves because they believe no one cares about them. It will probably make your sister feel loved and supported to know she has someone who cares about her and wants to help her.
Good luck, and be patient. She’ll come around eventually!
With Love, A&A
How do I tell my friend that me and this guy are talking, because she doesn’t seem to get the message the first time I told her? She keeps flirting with him.
*locker89
Dear locker89,
We would suggest explaining how you feel and what you would like her to do differently. If she ignores that, she does not respect you. Everybody has a different ‘Friend-Code’, but make sure she knows how you feel and what you expect from her as a friend. If her reaction is negative to the conversation that you’ll bring up, reconsider the terms of your friendship!
With Love, A&A
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