The student newspaper of Strath Haven High School. The Panther Press is first and foremost a reflection of the opinions and interests of the student body. For this reason, we do not publish any anonymous or teacher-written submissions, and we do not discriminate against any ideology or political opinion. While we are bound by school policy (and funding), we will not render any article neutral, although individual points may be edited for obscene or inflammatory content. Finally, the articles published in the Panther Press do not necessarily reflect the views of the editors or advisors.

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The Best Way to Find Your College Roommate Before You Get To College

Grace Haase, '17, Staff Writer

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Everyone knows that their college roommate will likely become their partner in crime, best friend for eternity, and essentially their whole world. The only problem, however, is the difficult process that leads you to find such a roommate with the potential to become your forever lifemate. As a high school senior who has already found my perfect roomie for the coming fall, I can offer a few key tips that could make your search a little bit easier. If you follow my subsequent suggestions, you will surely stumble upon your soulmate/spirit guide through your freshman year of college without much struggle.

The first thing you need to do is find your specific college’s Facebook page for accepted students. Join and immediately begin to sift through the list of other members, judging them based solely on their profile pictures in order to weed out the initial prospects. The pool of prospective roomies will likely start out pretty big (depending on your college’s size), so you need to make some quick, impulse decisions if you want to find your perfect match before they find someone else.

Any prospective person with a profile picture that includes pets, friends, or athletics typically will not possess the proper qualities of a perfect roommate, so you should eliminate them immediately. On the other hand, if their profile picture contains any type of meme, you should jot down their name for further investigation. After scrolling through at least 500 members, keeping an eye out for the memes, take a break and eat a sandwich. You will need the sustenance for the task ahead.

Proceed with your search by stalking the Facebook pages of each possible roommate. If they are the type of Facebook user who constantly updates the cyber world with their day-to-day activities (ie “eating yogurt!”, “showered for the first time in a month!!”, “helped dad wash the cat!”, etc.), you can be certain that they will make a great roomie, because you will never find yourself wondering where they are or what they’re doing, and they are probably great communicators of their feelings.

You can identify a bad roommate, however, by the number of their Facebook Friends. If they have any more than ten friends, you should immediately jump to the conclusion that they are way too friendly, and would thus create problems by constantly inviting all of their friends into your shared, very confining dorm room. Most dorms can barely accommodate two students at a time, but if your roomie has tons of Facebook Friends, you can be sure that he or she will attempt to constantly fit people into all corners of your already tiny room.

Once you have narrowed down your prospects to around twenty people (to get to this point, you should have invested about 2-3 hours per day for a month into your search), you can begin the process known as “chatting”. Open chats with each potential roomie using a general, vague question that suggests that you are either super cool, super relatable, super witty, or all of the above. Don’t pick a question that’s too open ended or difficult, because you don’t want to scare off your roomie before they get a chance to hear about how great you are.

For example, you could ask, “what is the meaning of life?”. If they do not reply within three minutes, cross their name off of the list. Quick response times suggest that a person does nothing but sit in front of their computer all day, and if that is the case, they will always be available to drop everything to come to your aid in college. If a roomie is too actively involved in real life, however, they will likely not have any time for you.

When you begin to really get to know a prospect through your online chats (you should hold 20-30 minute chat sessions with a prospect at least 6 times a week), you can start getting into the more serious questions. Ask them about their sleeping habits, musical preferences, and cleanliness. If you find that you can really connect with a prospect, but have different answers to some of the above questions, do not worry. You can just lie in order to seem relatable and cool and awesome, and everything will probably be ok.

Plus, if you think about it, opposites work really well together. For example, if you are a disgusting slob, but your favorite roomie prospect states that he or she needs everything to be clean at all times, they will likely love cleaning up your messes for you. It’s a win-win situation for everybody! Or, if you like to stay up late, but your prospect likes to go to sleep early, it just means that one of you will always be awake to deal with sudden danger, such as an intruder, fire, or flood. Safety first, am I right?

After you have decided that you have found the perfect roommate, the final step is to ensure that they would also like to share a dorm room for the upcoming fall. There are several different ways to go about such a task… One would involve suggesting a legally binding contract signed in the presence of at least two witnesses (which I highly suggest), or you could casually pitch the roommate idea, hoping that the feeling remains voluntarily mutual until the fall (which may pose risks, especially if you feel as though you may be the less-qualified roommate). Others following a process similar to yours will likely be able to identify a prize roomie when they see one, and try to steal him or her out from under you.

Upon the completion of this final step, you can rest easy with the knowledge that you have successfully managed to find your perfect college roommate. You need not feel nervous about meeting your roomie in person for the first time… The internet is essentially reality, and everything on everyone’s Facebook profile page should be regarded as the absolute truth. Judging a person based solely on their projected persona via technology is the absolute best way to navigate the college roommate process.

The student newspaper of Strath Haven High School. The Panther Press is first and foremost a reflection of the opinions and interests of the student body. For this reason, we do not publish any anonymous or teacher-written submissions, and we do not discriminate against any ideology or political opinion. While we are bound by school policy (and funding), we will not render any article neutral, although individual points may be edited for obscene or inflammatory content. Finally, the articles published in the Panther Press do not necessarily reflect the views of the editors or advisors.
The Best Way to Find Your College Roommate Before You Get To College